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And you know after the preliminary trials, the whole project is going to be set back when one goes haywire and yanks some volunteer's dick off with such force that it gets javelined across a room and embedded in a brick wall. I don't have a degree in anthropology or dick tuggery, but I am an amateur in both. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. To turn on reply notifications, click here. Just a cacophony of churning, rumbling gears, and actuators slouching along towards Jizzrael. There's a reason Fleshlight hasn't hired me as an ad man.

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The Autoblow 2 is the most advanced form of wanking mankind has to offer. Nowadays, we have robots that will give us space-age handies with a kung fu grip and lube designed by NASA, I assume. Add me to the weekly newsletter. It has variable speeds as well, so you can go from lazy Quaalude mumble-munch to Furious 7 Vin Diesel power gulp.

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Erika from Ashburn Age: 25. The figure will not leave you indifferent, and the body will dream of you in the most erotic fantasies for a long time.

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The basic goal of a Fleshlight was to make a vagina into a handheld device. an idea that will get exponentially creepier the more time you devote to thinking about it. So you start experimenting. Maybe you want it in a piece of bread for added grip, I don't know. It has variable speeds as well, so you can go from lazy Quaalude mumble-munch to Furious 7 Vin Diesel power gulp. Recommended For Your Pleasure. Has technology improved the wank. And see their greatest breakthrough yet.

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Description: Maybe you want it in a piece of bread for added grip, I don't know. Only the right hand would do. The major downside to the Fleshlight is that it's a lot like manual labor. Have our advances in texturized rubbers improved our alone time. The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow. After this, we can only design robot arms with gentle-yet-firm jacking motions.
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